To: His Excellency, the Galactic Emperor
From: His Excellency's legal council, the firm of Goffnar, B'yudowan & kla Queith
Re: Mounting liability concerns
With nothing but the most respectful devotion, we write today to alert His Excellency to the several liability civil actions that have been filed against His Excellency's Galactic Government.
- United Brotherhood of Apprentices v. Imperator: a sentient-being rights complaint centered about the demeaning overuse of the title "master."
- Although not yet filed, we expect a consumer safety action against various Imperial-registered manufacturers of containment-field plasma blades. It appears that a weapon that can cut through anything and that is sharp on all sides is far too dangerous to be wielded, especially during training practice.
- Geonosian Industries v. Imperator: a defamation counter-suit from the designers of the Death Star battlestation for excessive and unwarranted repetition of the phrase "single point of failure" in the Empire's damages claim against Geonosian Industries.
- Several worker compensation claims are pending for hatchway doors that close too quickly as well as the many bottomless pits without protective railings in Imperial employee areas.
- In Re Jango Fett in Plures Multiplex: a potentially precedent-setting case, considering that a bench ruling must first be issued as to whether multiple clones of a single bounty hunter may collectively be certified as a class. If so, the class-action suit is expected to take the form of a sentient-being rights complaint that the enlisted ranks of the Imperial Army are drawn only from clones whereas the officer class is composed entirely of "persnickety nitwits with English accents."
- Multiple product liability suits against Imperial-licensed vehicle manufacturers claiming: excessive speed for intended operating conditions, complete absence of safety and restraint devices, explosive fuel storage containers, and too many angular and sharp edges.
While we expect nothing less than complete victory over these irrational plaintiffs on behalf of The Galactic Empire, we would be remiss not to alert His Excellency of the potentially massive financial exposure such suits occasion.
Your humble servants,
Goffnar, B'yudowan & kla Queith
Guess what? I've been re-watching the Holy Trilogy (Hexology?) on rainy days. That's what. I clearly remember queueing in the rain for Episode IV, watching Episode V twice in a row in England, and then skipping school all day to be 100th in line for the opening of Episode VI.