[Insert joke about a vacuum cleaner that really “sucks” here.]

Done cleaning? Strap it on and buzz the control tower for yucks.

My first major purchase upon arriving in Whitehorse was a Dirt Devil upright. It now seems strange to me that I didn't pack a vacuum cleaner for the eight-week cross country drive that led me to the Yukon.

Over a decade later the Red Beast finally expired, preferring to rearrange the dog's fur rather than gather it, and having chewed through four belts in as many months.

Before replacing it with a new model, I spent a good bit of time researching the alternatives, going so far as to subscribe to the online version of Consumer Reports.

The brand I found atop most lists was Hoover. Their WindTunnel model regularly received the highest marks. So I picked one up, brought it home, and watched, dismayed, as it broke down on its first pass over our low-pile living room carpet.

Note to previous house owners: what inspired you to choose blue carpet? Nothing matches blue. Except for that blue wallpaper you also chose, and vice versa.

I managed one halting pass over the carpet before filling its tiny $11 disposable bag. The whole vacuum seemed of shoddy construction too. I returned it the next day, carefully repacking the box with the dog-fur-filled bag.

I started my research over again, this time focusing on the customer reviews on Consumer Reports, and also the reliability histories of the various manufacturers. Dyson blew (sucked?) out the rest of the field in both categories. I knew about the Dysons, had seen the guy's commercials, and even read a piece about him in The New Yorker, but I had been hesitant because of the price. No longer.

Canadian Tire carries the Dyson DC33 Multi Floor model, which is ideal for both carpet and bare floors, so that's what I got. If you should happen to want a different model, Dyson Canada ships for free.

Even the box the thing comes in shows careful design and attention to detail. The vacuum itself is no different. It's almost as though the designer has actually vacuumed a floor once before in his life. It rolls with authority, and sucks...well, let's just say that the commercials won't run afoul of the Truth in Advertising statutes.

Carpet surface before and after application of Dyson vacuum.

On its maiden voyage, the Dyson extracted a full canister of dog fluff and dirt from the same carpet the Hoover had choked on two nights before. The suction from the accessory wand was so strong that it pulled books from their shelves when I tried dusting the bookcases. The hands-free canister dump is also a treat. Saving money on bags and filters (they're washable) is just gravy.

I still hate vacuuming (that %$#@&! dog), but the Dyson at least makes each Saturday afternoon a little bit of a science fiction adventure. Aside from my '99 Ranger, this vacuum could very well be the best product I've ever owned.